FA LA LA LA LA

Jake has decided that Fa la la la la is his favorite carol, but just that part. He even stretches out his arms at the end for the big finish.
Everyone asks how was Jake's first Christmas and my honest answer is" to him it was like every other day" He did open a couple of presents from us but his excitement came when he helped Ken and I open ours. And then even more excitement when we went to the fam's house and he could see everyone and play with all of his cousins. He loved it. He ran and laughed and played and showed off for hours. And of course helped himself to many a Christmas cookie. So after coming off of his sugar high he did well. He did well with sharing and being excited for others when they opened their presents. I think his biggest let down will be when we stop going to people's houses and all the grandparents go home. It makes my heart fill with delight to see how he interacts with people, especially our family, it is very big and overwhelming at times. So Merry Christmas to you all and I hope your holidays were filled with laughter!

The Firsts

We continue to be blessed by our ever transforming 2 year old. Some days bring more tears than others and other days bring more laughs than others.
Jake has decided to put forth his own ideas on things and while I celebrate these times b/c he is feeling more and more safe with us to declare his own will. But at times it makes me sad b/c just as our Father knows what is best, I think I also know what is best for Jake, "no you can not hit mommy".
And at those times, just as Abba does, I have to sit back and watch his new found freedom unfold and the heartache it produces when he has to go into "timeout" for his actions.
Right now, I'm watching him "spill" his water of course accidentally in the kitchen so that he can then go into the bathroom grab toilet paper and clean up his mess and then throw it away and finally look at me and say "good job".
Unfortunately he is already an encouragement junkie like his mom.

Gratitude

As we embark upon another Thanksgiving...I am brought to my knees in gratitude for my wonderful Friends and family! I sat in bed this morning praising and thanking God for all of you. My heart overwhelmed with your thoughtfulness, grace,mercy and love! Through your emails, phone calls, letters and blogs, I realize how blessed I am by your friendships! You all "know" my heart! I never have to worry where I stand with you, just like I never have to worry where I stand with the Lord! Even though I mess up constantly and I am always in need of your mercy and grace you all are angels of the Lord ! I was talking to a friend the other day about a dilemma and we connected in a way that felt like praise and worship, I yearn for those times! I am addicted to those conversations! I was at church this weekend and of course the talk was on grace and gratitude b/c of thanksgiving but differently than my typical cynical and sarcastic tone, this talk really hit me to the core. He was right we don't praise God, and thank Him as we should...I think of the verse to "pray continuously" do I do this or do I go on with life until I NEED to pray continuously!
So thank you and I'm SO grateful and thankful to you all who stir me to MORE, you who make me YEARN for OUR Lord, where I want to run to the throne and throw myself down and worship the ONE who wants to Love me, and who wants me even though I am so sinful and I do falter and fail!
I love you all!

Sicky

I love this posing picture of Jake. I have a TON of just jake photos. As I'm sure every first time parent does. I just can't help myself. Every outfit, every event, even if there is no special occasion beyond he is just so cute! Last Friday, we all went swimming with my nephews and Dave and Erin. We had a great time until the boys got so cold they had goose bumps all over and their lips were turning blue. Since then Jake has just not been his usual easy going and laughable self. So we figured he had an ear infection. We were getting ready to go the the store today before we had to get home and then go to the doctors. On our way to the grocery, Jake got sick ALL over the car. I mean the vomit kept coming. I thought it would never end and as I'm helplessly looking for a place to pull over, the food just keeps spilling out except now it is through the nose and the mouth.
He was scared, I was scared, finally I found a place jumped out and started to clean up the yogurt, applesauce, egg concoction.
It is so sad to see a pale scared face. But we made it through without mom spilling her beans all over as I was cleaning.
I look forward to a good nap and then the doctor's to see what is going on!!

Grace Sustained

The past week I have reconnected with a wonderful friend and former roommate, Michelle.
I have talked to her on "facebook" at times but always short and sweet. Although Michelle would never place herself as a victim, she has been bond by a horrible disease, called Lyme's disease. Although she would never view it that way. Her faith in our Lord has only grown stronger and her relationship even greater! I am very jealous!
Anyway, at a time that I feel the locusts have come in and that I'm serving and not being served (how selfish...I know), Michelle contacted me to give my blog a facelift. And as I view this blog as a great outlet and avenue, I always look at my other friends blogs and wonder how they did that or how cute. But I have absolutely no idea or really the time to do it.
So with Michelle's offer, it came at a time, I really needed a good friend and it brought me to tears. I was humbled by her offer. That in her pain, her illness, she would reach out to do this...Her illness does not define her at all, but to take time out for me, was just incredible.
So look for some great new additions....what am I talking about, it is incredible what Michelle has already done! All of you without blogs are going to want to have one and have Michelle design it!
I trust you all who view this, that you know my heart and I can be honest without being destroyed and stomped on for it!
I am just a travelor on a journey with all the ups/downs and many mountain top and pitfalls of life.
So thank you Michelle for the gift of your friendship, it is worth more than any thing this world can offer!

Mommy's little Mimic

Everyone reading this blog already knows how Jake mimics everything. And it is very cute, and funny to see all the funny things that I do that I don't even realize. Such as, I never realized how much I say "oh". Jake will forget something or realize something and he'll say "oh". Very funny.
Every time we see Jake for the first time, from coming back from work, barn or after a nap or the night, we'll say "good morning Jake" or "hi Jake". Well now when he sees us in the morning or the first time after a hiatus, he'll say "hi Jake". At first we weren't sure what he was saying but after a while, we realized he was saying "hi Jake" . So now we've switched to just saying Hi or "Hi mommy, or Hi Daddy".
I've finished Jake's "baby book" and I've realized how truly Jake was made for us by the Lord. He has been knit in our hearts and in the Lord's since before time and I'm humbled by that fact.

Blessings

Thank you Lord for the blessing of life and love!
Every day is a new adventure with Jake. His annunciation and pronunciation is getting better and better every day. He explores and sees new things every day. He is loving relationships and new people! I got a hold of his nanny in China and sent her new pics of Jake. She was so excited and was grateful to see how he was doing. She said that it is so hard to see the kids leave but so exciting as well and there is always that missing piece. So I plan to send her updated pics every now and again to fill her with a joyful boys smile!
This pic was from last night during bath time and solomon decided he wanted Jake's rubber ducky that squeaked. So Jake was taking the ducky back and forth in the bath and we were sure that solomon was going to jump in after him!

You want mommy to kiss it

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So Jake and I have this ritual that I think every mom has which is every time he hits his head, his arm leg, hand whatever and is hurt...I will say, "ahhh do you want mommy to kiss it". And of course he now tries to hurt himself so that mommy will kiss it. Well now it has become a great application of when he hurts others, of course not ever on purpose but in his excitement.. whatever. So if he hits me I'll say," that hurt mommy" and he'll take my head in his hand bow my head down and kiss it. Before he didn't care where the hurt was, he would always kiss me on the head. Now he is getting more specific. Today I stepped on one of his blocks at the right angle and wow did it hurt. So I yelled out and immediately Jake came running over ploppped himself on the floor and kissed my foot! Now who can't love that!

Locked up in my own personal thoughts....
Love doesn't....Love never.....
I am thankful for the love of the Father.
I am thankful for the grace of God
I pray for Mercy...I pray for reconciliation....
I pray for the day when all sorrows will be wiped away.
When there will be no more tears, no more relationship pain...

Thank you Lord for these circumstances that draw me closer to YOU

Love always leaves a significant mark

"When all you can see is your pain, perhaps then you lose sight of me" (The Shack)

Family Days...weddings...relationships...

We had 2 family weddings the past 2 weekends...Jake is going to expect dinner and dancing every Saturday now I think! It has been great to show him off to everyone.
Which is what I feel like we do...."watch this, watch that"!
It has been great to see how loved he is already in our family. I think secretly this was one of the things I was really nervous about... would our families accept him as part of our family.. and every really has. In fact they have said as well that he just fits in with our families, fun loving, loves to laugh and DANCE!
One of the weddings, I think the photographer took more pics of Jake than the bride and groom :)

It has also really been great to have so much of the family around this week, to love on Jake! He Show allhas really taken to my aunt and he has seen his cousins often! I would love for him to grow up often with his family... this was a big reason for us even moving back to Ohio and so I hope and pray that we can continue our family time.

And truly what I'm learning in all of this... is that my relationship with my husband and now with my son is that this is ALL what Father wants and desires from me. To tell him about everything...even though he already knows... I love Abba for this.. I love that he wants to be in relationship with me and that He risked so much and I'm so sad that I don't risk enough for Him.

I'm reading "the shack" right now and it is truly revoluntionizing my thoughts on all my relationships... not only my relationship with Him.
So I know that I'm just rambling... my mind is all boggled up lately and at best I'm flopping around like a fish out of water :)

Traveling

Seriously.... what is wrong with me in trying to travel with Jake. I know we have traveled from China but that was being a brand ing new parent and having no sense! We traveled to Michigan this weekend from Saturday at 2pm arriving at 7pm and then leaving at 1pm and arriving home at 8pm.
No nap either day. An all out nervous breakdown last night at bedtime. I woke up to tears in my eyes as Jake had taken my hair and twirled it so tight in his fist that then he was trying to rip his hand out of my hair. So I thought ok, than I'll just move down the bed. Well then he just kicked me in the head for the rest of the night as he moved around.
I am feeling very overwhelmed, under appreciated and a bit sorry for myself.
The good news is that I'm falling even more madly in love with my son and I know that is a good thing!

Fall days and being a new mom

It is amazing to me all of the things that run through my head on daily basis... what do I do now...what does he want... what do I want, I haven't eaten all day. I have drank a whole pot of coffee, oh no I've become one of those moms.
I was talking to a friend the other day and we were commenting thatwe used to be so idealistic when we had all of this time to read and study and meditate and now I've fallen into what feels into exactly what I didn't want to become. But maybe this is life now and I feel like I have to really fight to not lose myself in all of this and become embittered or disillusioned.

Jake has a bout of giardia, which is comical in the fact that Solomon also had giardia when I first got him. But he is almost done with his meds and already his little messy poops are looking better.

Well as he just fell asleep I am also going to take a nap b/c we were up about 5 times last night settling him down!

Power outages and life

First week home, Ken was home, volunteers were doing almost everything with horses..new life is manageable.

2nd week home...Ken back to work, volunteers still doing most of the horses..Mom in town..but lots of doctors appts. Feeling a bit overwhelmed with my new life... but still alive and managing

3rd week. Power goes out, back to taking care of 15 horses. power goes out, food poisoning for me, giardia for Jake... interestingly enough life seems more manageable than the first week...

I'm falling more and more in love with Jake... Ken's parents came on Thursday to watch him as I had the vet coming out for multiple issues with horses and they have been here through the rest of the week staying in a hotel so that we can take showers, do laundry etc.

Dr. Consults

After 2 1/2 hours at Children's and 7 doctors later here is what we know....

He will need tubes in his ears in the immediate future (although we are going to get a 2nd opinion, for various reasons)

He will have a reconstructive surgery with his lip at the age of 4-5 before he enters kindergarten.

He will have a bone graft done to repair the rest of his jaw between the ages of 7-10 years old.

The geneticist said his cleft lip/palate is more than likely not genetic so the odds of him having a child with a cleft lip/palate is less than 5%.

The audiologist said he is within normal range for hearing although his eardrum is not resonating as well.

The ENT dr. said that he still has some fluid in the ear and that he has a very high build up of dried wax very deep in the ear. His suggestion was tubes b/c of the fact that Jake has been so very sick since we got him.

The speech therapist said to not worry about anything for about 6mos until his speech does come in better withthis being his 2nd language but wasn't all the concerned for him as he has been catching on and mimicking so well.

And that is all for that...we go back in a year... Friday we are hoping to get into the international clinic for immunization blood work and other lab work that needs to be done!

Hospital, Doctor Time

Jake loves to make this constipated face...I guess I taught it to him somewhere along the lines...I'm not quite sure all the funny faces I make but Jake with all of his mimmicking is making me fully aware.

Today we are off to Columbus Children's for a consultation clinic with their team. I'm not sure exactly all who make up the team but I believe it is a plastic surgeon, oral surgeon, speech therapist, hmmm not sure who else. Anyway, my mom is going to go with us so that one of us can be paying attention to what they are saying. I'm a bit nervous as our time with doctor's thus far has been very stressful and anxiety ridden for Jake. He has had 2 surgeries already in China and from the look on his face when he sees anyone in white coat it is not a good memory.

Toddler Years

I'm unsure of how to start this writing as I feel like I am in between 2 worlds and they have just collided. I have just tried for the 4th time to put my son down for a nap...one I know he needs and one that I need as well. But I've been thrust into toddlerhood....I know of my own choosing...but I'm overwhelmed. This weekend was terrible. After a great day at the zoo, I've started to decline. I have been sick, which doesn't help but as I've tried to cope...I've only failed with mixing motherhood with my "normal" life.
Now I went back in and tried to get him back to sleep and he was quiet for about 3 minutes and now he is back to singing to himself. Which normally doesn't bother me but today it does....am I a bad mom. Is this much frustration a part of this whole thing?
I've missed all of the parts of his life where he needed me for everything and now he is a toddler with a mind and heart of his own....
well back to it!

Day at the zoo

We took Jake to the zoo today... He loves watching animals and he loved the zoo. It was great to see the wonder of a child! His favorites were the goats, ducks and the penguins.
He did great all day with out a nap as well.
The fascination of a child is a wonder to me. He is so independent... in a good way not a non attached or scary way.... but a normal 2 1/2 year old independence. He always seems to grateful for everything and we are so grateful for him!

Home Sweet Home....

Well after 13 hours on a flight from China to LA then staying once again in a hotel and then flying 4 hours back to Cincinnati, we are now home.

HMMMMM.....where to start.....I can not seem to process everything I saw...touched...heard...tasted.... it was all so intense. I felt on high alert all the time trying to take it all in so one day I can share with Jake the beauty and intensity of his home country. (Ken wanted to get him a child's shirt that said "made in China" hee hee)

I should be napping right now b/c Jake and Ken are but I just felt the need to start getting some of my thoughts out.

The bonding and attachment that have already happened with Jake and us is nothing short of a miracle. I can't understand how he knows so much being so young. But in all of my struggles as a human here on earth one of the things I feel like my prayer and cry out to the Lord has always been is "why do you make it so hard for some". And looking at Jake I say that again, but this time it is in gratitude. My son is so resilient. I already know this about him. He is a fighter like his mom, when the going gets hard...well you look it in the face and keep going and the Lord watches over.

Ken's dad kept saying to us, "this little boy was made for you" and I do believe that he is very much as if he came out of the womb of our hearts, he cries because he is so sensitive and wants to be loved.
He loves to please and is always looking for positive affirmation but he has his own comical way about him. He picks up on the funny things about us and does those funny things.
Right now he throws his arms up with his palms up and mutters, " I don't know where it is" He is actually mimicking full phrases.
Everyday is a new adventure...
As I look back on the past 2 weeks, I can say that developmentally, mentally and even physically he went from being "infant-like" to now being a 20-24 mos old. And everyday he does more and more like his age.

Well as promised, I think I've included the first of many pics to come...enjoy

Jake edition #8

Another good day but we are all tired of traveling and are looking forward to going home. Jacob had a lot of fun today as he learned to kick his beach ball in the room. He has gotten so he loves the bath and cries when he is taken out. He and Kenny play and splash a lot there.

A group photo of the kids was taken today and Jacob looked fantastic in his long blue Chinese gown which Kim got him. He has learned to "high 5" when he does something good. He likes to feed the fish in the hotel lobby. We went to the pool for almost two hours today and he continues to like the water more and more. He let his dad take him out into it for the first time as well as sitting on the steps of the pool throwing his ball, splashing his hands and kicking his feet. He also enjoys playing with the Pat the Bunny book. Later today he developed bronchitis and was taken to the doctor and is now on medication for it.

Jacob's food tastes have changed as he no longer likes the rice congee but likes banana, eggs and bread.

His dumb grandparents bought him a drum from a store owned by a Chinese Christian. The parents say the drum will be held for a future special day.

Kay is now the second biggest producer of boiled water in Gouangzhou and the third largest launderer of children's clothing.

Supposedly the visa paperwork went through without a hitch so far so he will be sworn in Wednesday. Supposedly our flight for late Friday is confirmed and hopefully will go smoothly.

Pictures

Ok, read some of the comments. Sorry access to pics unavailable as our digital camera broke and I have no idea how to put the card onto these chinese based computers...meaning everything is in characters.
So when we get back. whoa will you get your fill!

Earlier Jake updates

Here is an earlier update Jake Edition 5:

The last 24 hours has been a huge breakthrough period for Jacob! He is laughing and playing so much with Deb and others and made the two hour flight from Zhengzhou to Guangzhou without any crying or problems and many of the kids cried on the flight. Part of it was because Kay got him a couple suckers which he likes and I think the sucking motion helped keep his ears depressurized. He loves those. We also bought him some milk as we were rushing to get on the plane which turned out to be an apple juice/milk mixture but he really liked it.

He has been going to Kay to hold him a little and playing a lot of games including the dreaded throwing things on the floor game which is now one of his favorites. Deb holds him facing her and then tips him over backwards (carefully) until he is upside down, then quickly rights him up until she leans back which he loves and shrieks with gales of laughter. He loves passing things and getting them back. We killed 30 minutes standing in line just taking things in and out of Ken's wallet, business cards and credit cards, passing them back to him, then he would put them back in the wallet, close it, then open it again and start all over.

We just had an excellent Thai dinner at the Cow and Bridge (?!?) and Jacob played with the chopsticks. Between waving them around and hitting his mother and the child next to him in the face, he beat out a nice smooth rhythm on the table. He and Kay played a kind of pick up sticks and a little sword fighting with them for quite a while. However, he and GWB won't eat broccoli.

We had dinner with three other adoptive families, two from Ohio, Wapakoneta and Hickoryton. The English family who live in LA organized it, Adrian and Lucy. Their boy Arthur had the bunk next to Jacob for the last 27 days before adoption.

Deb says she has lost 10 lbs between the lack of nongluten food and carrying Jacob around. He is now starting to give her a little relief as he will let Kay carry him a little and stand and play with others instead of demanding to be held all the time. He plays a lot with Ken and though he will not let Ken hold him yet, he holds Ken's finger and leans over and affectionately puts his hand on Ken's chest for a while.

We are now in even a nicer hotel with a lot of other adoptive parents (near the US consulate) and there are many shops catering to adoptive parents nearby.

Jake editions

Below is an email that Kay and Forrest (Ken's parents have been sending out) Since my time is short and they put some good words to the progress being made. The little boy is starting to emerge


I didn't mention earlier, we are at the White Swan Hotel in Guangzhou (Canton) in an old colonial compound of the city. Ken and Debbie did a lot of paperwork today and then we encouraged them to go out to dinner with the other couples at a nice Thai restaurant in the area.

Jacob now builds his blocks up in towers and then knocks them over and laughs. He also loves to throw things. this goes back to the issue of too much justice in life for those who were around when Kenny was this age.

Jacob also played hide and seek with us which he seemed to enjoy but he found it mysterious and not something that made him laugh out loud. He loves to chase Debbie around and try to catch her. they laugh so hard!

debbie said Jacob played better with the other kids today and shared things with them which is quite a breakthrough since the first rule of the orphanage seems to be not to ever give anything up once you have gotten hold of it.

there was a thunder storm today so we couldn't swim. Kay and Forrest took a taxi ride to super market and had the usual language misadventures trying to buy disposal bibs and baby wipes. We didn't see another European the whole time.

This area is quite charming and there are a lot of American adoptive couples roaming around with the kids.

Smarty Pants

Yesterday we went to the Lowman Temples and the shao lin Temple, the shao lin temple is where Kung Fu started, so all you kung fu panda fans eat your heart out. It was amazing to see more of Jake's home province. This was the first time though we got a lot of stares and people wondering why American's were taking Chinese babies....
The temple was / is too beautiful for words.. I can't wait to show you pics. The boys there start going at very early ages to become monks. Parents start to send them there around 3 years old.
we were gone for 12 hrs and now Jake has just realized I'm typing again so we'll see how long I can continue.
He is continuing to open up more and more and now he is at least playing with Ken. Ken showed him the wonderful game of shells (hide the medicine bottle under the block) a big favorite.
He continues to look to food to comfort him and we are starting to not use it as much.
We also are having lots of funny china stories as we almost got run down by 2 buses trying to pass each other as we were in a extended golf cart that was out of battery and going so slow the flintstones could have beat us. In fact the guys started to put their legs out and peddle the cart.
well I guess we are done, time for a nap. Tomorrow we fly to guangzhou which is the capital and we stay at the white swan until the following Friday.

Jacob Zhao

Little Jake,
\
a thinker, quietly pondering us. He is fascinated with "mama" he looks to me to eat, to play. The first day he fell asleep on my chest .Yesterday he mimicked everything I did with my hands.
So much to say but here are the highlights.
2 days ago when we got him to the registery, his orphanage director and one of his nannies was there. He panicked as he saw them and held on even tighter. We waved bye bye to them as we left. Yesterday we had to go to his orphanage, we paid our orphanage fee he was mesmerized by the money counter. Then when Ken and forrest went up to take pics of the orphanage, he went downstairs with me, the orphanage director came down to ask him if he wanted to go up to his floor and he looked at her with his big eyes and kept shaking his head NO.
哈

Waiting...waiting

Ken and I are sitting at our hotel business office, on the internet waiting for the time we "get the call" that Jake is on the way.
We have met the 3 other couples who are adopting. 2 of the 3 this is also their first child. The other couple has a 3 year old girl as well. All of our children are from 15-30 months old and all are boys except one. All of cleft lip/palate except one.
Everyone in China has been so nice, the funny thing is they all know why we are here. It is very obvious as the American couples all with big grins on their faces walking around in a daze. Some of the couples have been here for a day or so and have stayed at the "white swan" already. They say it was great to see all of the children holding onto their parents and laughing.
Jake actually will get delivered right to our room. So we have it all set up with toys and books and food. They say the children really scarf down the food, which is really good.
We are thinking he'll come later this afternoon.
Ken and I were up at 4am this morning, which is 4pm for most of you and it feels like Christmas, you have that anticipating feeling in your stomach and that lump in your throat that something exciting is about to happen.
We will be videotaping now as he is coming to our room, it may feel a bit safer for him and we want for him to see it later on!
The next time I write, he'll probably be in our arms!

Stranger In a Strange Land

As we have been awaiting our departure for China. I've had lots of time to think...watch the Olympics and think. I thank God for this time... as I haven't been at home to do the thousand things that I feel I have to do.
Right now I'm so nervous...can I do this...I'm so selfish...what if I just want/need a break. Mom's don't get a break.
I've been reading a book called."Lost on Planet China" a great book. The author is very cynical and funny. But one of the things that caught my eye was that in all of his negative thoughts on a country that has tried hard to destroy its past and is struggling to find its way in the present and future. The one positive thing he said was that he enjoyed seeing the American's with their adopted children. Because he had seen some of things that happened to the children who were not adopted.
I think that about Jake. What would have happened to him? But then I think that about myself as well. What if I wouldn't have had the family I did? What if God wasn't pursuing me with a vengeance, what then? Where would I be?

Ken and I are at odds whether to video our first meeting with Jake. We've decided that it would be best not to. One b/c I have this "dream" of what I want, which is at odds with what will probably be. The other is, we want for Jake to see his home for the first 2 years of his life, not necessarily his adjustment to a stranger. So we'll see what we end up with.

I'll try and post more in China so stay tuned.. we leave in 6 hours for China on a 15 hour flight.

Labor Pains

Today.... very interesting...again random breaking down into tears..... I lost my sunglasses and it was the "last" thing to check off on my list for packing. Last night I was searching the cars... with a flashlight. Scouring the house and nothing ....could not find them. This morning I woke in a panic trying to find them as well. And you might say, they are only glasses...true...but I was given them by a friend and they are very expensive and I love the way they feel and look and well they were expensive....And really that wasn't the issue. The issue is that I'm stuck in feeling overwhelmed and out of control. And I love to be in control. I can no longer control my life in this area of "Jake" I will hop on a plane ... no control...to a foreign country... definetly no control...to a child who I don't know and who doesn't know me and he has to trust that I have his best interest in mind and that I will take care of him.
And it is no different than someone who has had a child from their womb... that little package has to trust that you will feed and care for them...or they WILL die.

People think I don't know what it is like to be a mom...well I'm a mom to 15 horses and countless inner city children who depend on me to feed them and keep them safe. Isn't that what a mom is?

I may sound cynical or upset and I'm not but I think that when people make quick remarks on situations they should think ...

So I'm off to a country very little people know about ... where my son is awaiting my arrival... however he has no idea... but I know and I've been dreaming of this day for years. It is fun to think that this is how God thinks of us. He is always awaiting our arrival to know that once we have found him and know him and love him that we are forever his children.
And so that is what we call Jake...our forever child with his forever family.

Please pray for us! I love you all!

Shock

Today is the first day that I'm on the verge of tears every second of every minute.
I look at our campers here at the camp and start to tear up. I get an email and start to tear up.
I think the main reason for all of this is the anticipation of China but also is with my Grandma as she continues to be in the hospital and things are not going well.

I think of living and new life and dying and moving on.

Almost 7 years ago, I prayed this same prayer as I watched my grandma in the hospital not doing well and crying and saying she had to make it to my wedding and she had to see all the beauty in what she prayed for, for so long.
But today it is different as much as I want her to meet Jake, I want her to be in total peace and rest with Christ. I want for Jake to live with the memory of a wonderful great grandma that up to her dying day was so excited to see him.

I don't know when her day will be, I don't know when her hour will be...but I can rest in the fact that God does and he knows what is best for her, for me and for Jake.

Thoughts...

It is very interesting to me, to hear people say...you look so calm. I've gotten that a lot lately, well in the past few weeks. I guess I am calm, not by my own nature though. I have moments of panic, moments of "what are we thinking". But for the most part I feel content. There are so many "unknowns" as with any pregnancy.
There are many "surprises" with the "birth" of a child.

A friend told me a couple of days ago, with any pregnancy when the woman looks at the child if she is honest she looks at him/her and says, "who are you". Yes you are excited and you love that little package but you don't know them yet. You will spend the next lifetime learning about them.

when I heard her say this, I took a deep breath, that peace went even deeper into my spirit! That is the unknown and yet the exciting part of bringing new life into a family, learning who that person is, being a part of developing and bringing up that person's heart!

And so our prayer continues to be that even though we "know" the picture of Jake, he knows nothing of us. We pray he has seen our picture and that they have explained who we are but... for those first few hours maybe days (hope not) as a child comes into the world and cries for the comfort of the womb, we pray that the cry for his orphanage and those things that have comforted him for the past 2 years as we've journeyed to get him will not last long.
That the Lord will give him this "calm" as He has given me to know in Jake's heart that we have been chosen by God to give him HOME.

Last Call

I've set out to start a blog as I've started to learn that along this journey, I seem to get so busy that my head clouds up and I can't seem to get everything out. So about 5 months ago Amanda told me I should start one and I used every excuse not to, but I wanted to share it with my closest friends and a way to get some of my thoughts out onto a platform.
So if you are a part of this blog party, then you can decide to read or not to read. Do what you wish...

Ken and I have 4 days until we depart for China and as we are driving in the car today to do random errands again to pick up random items ....again... Ken looked at me and said could it really be that in 4 days we travel to become parents.... my heart leapt and then flipped and then I felt faint and then I thought I was about to throw up. And as I started to get tears in my eyes, I remembered that for the past 4 years we have been on our journey to become parents, maybe even farther back than that. But the difference is, in a lot of ways, I never thought it would really happen. Just as I thought I'd never get married, just as I thought I'd never have my own horse... Just as I thought that surely God didn't have this big of a plan for me.
And so I'm humbled that He has entrusted baby Jake to us, across the world, a large ocean..2 continents and that God is truly the creator of the world , not ohio, or the US.

I am also posting our itinerary so that if you want to pray, think, laugh at the thought of us all over there, you can!

8/14/08 Delta # 1234 Cincinnati to LAX arrive 2:50 pm Courtyard by Marriott. 310-649-1400.

8/15/08 Delta # 7831 [China Southern #328] LAX to Guangzhou China. Leave 11:50 pm. Arrive

8/17/08 & take China Southern # 3157 to Zhengzhou China. Arrive 4:20 pm [12 hours earlier than EST].

Staying at Sofitel Hotel in Zhengzhou. 011-86-37165950088. Guide is Yisha. 011-86-13966671625.

8/18/2008. GET JACOB!

8/23/08 China Southern #3971 to Guangzhou. Staying at White Swan Hotel. 011-86-2081886968 .

Guide is Raymond. 011-86-13112207469.

8/29/08 China Southern #327 [Delta #7830] Guangzhou to LAX. Arrive 6:50 pm. Staying at Courtyard by Marriott. 310-649-1400.

8/30/08 Delta #1230 LAX to Cincinnati arrive 6:40 pm.

Adoption agency is CCAI [ Chinese Children Adoption International]. Office # in Colorado is 303-850-9998. Emergencies outside business hours 303-350-0433.