Stranger In a Strange Land

As we have been awaiting our departure for China. I've had lots of time to think...watch the Olympics and think. I thank God for this time... as I haven't been at home to do the thousand things that I feel I have to do.
Right now I'm so nervous...can I do this...I'm so selfish...what if I just want/need a break. Mom's don't get a break.
I've been reading a book called."Lost on Planet China" a great book. The author is very cynical and funny. But one of the things that caught my eye was that in all of his negative thoughts on a country that has tried hard to destroy its past and is struggling to find its way in the present and future. The one positive thing he said was that he enjoyed seeing the American's with their adopted children. Because he had seen some of things that happened to the children who were not adopted.
I think that about Jake. What would have happened to him? But then I think that about myself as well. What if I wouldn't have had the family I did? What if God wasn't pursuing me with a vengeance, what then? Where would I be?

Ken and I are at odds whether to video our first meeting with Jake. We've decided that it would be best not to. One b/c I have this "dream" of what I want, which is at odds with what will probably be. The other is, we want for Jake to see his home for the first 2 years of his life, not necessarily his adjustment to a stranger. So we'll see what we end up with.

I'll try and post more in China so stay tuned.. we leave in 6 hours for China on a 15 hour flight.