About a year ago I was talking to a very special friend and they were talking about that though she had "children" there was still a grief and loss of not giving birth to any of them. At the time, I couldn't even fathom such a thought since I was so desperate for a child of my own. But since having Jake, I now know what she was talking about. Even though Jake is my son and I know that from the depths of my soul there will be a time where I will have to talk to him about the fact that I did not have him from my body as other moms did with their sons and I'm so sad about that conversation.
I know that Jake was knit in my heart before he was born, I am more sure of that than anything, but God knows that He made me to physically have children as well and that is still a grief I have as a woman. Please do not hear me saying that I regret Jake or don't consider him my son, that is not it at all. (Although I know all of you reading know my heart :))
My sadness comes from now being able to fulfill my "job" that the Lord has put in my heart! Ken and I are looking into options for further adoption options!
I'll keepyou all posted
2 comments:
It's so hard to explain. I don't wish that I had been able to give birth...I wish I had given birth to THESE kids...these ones I have...a genetic impossibility on so many levels. But it's still how I feel. I love your heart, Debbie! And I miss you!
Yes, that is it. I wish and pray that I could have HAD Jake! That I would have Known him from 9 mos before he came to be in the world until now!
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